hateful love

2009-05-23T02:20:00.001+08:00

I HAVE SHIFTED TO,

http://instinctivechronicles.blogspot.com/

It's okay if people don't relink me, i know it's irritating that i keep changing blog/ link.

2009-05-23T01:20:00.003+08:00

Saw sis at yishun mrt when she's coming bck, so she acc me go nyp sao draw keys.

Didn't go sch today. 1 week in a row, 3 days didnt go sch.

Didn't present, is a confirm that i will fail. I don't know wtf am i thinking now.

No, i am not okay.

2009-05-23T00:43:00.001+08:00

Blog later :)

2009-05-22T13:01:00.015+08:00

WHAT SHOULD SHE DO NOW?

SHE DON'T KNOW.

SHE'S STUCKED, SOMEWHERE SOMEWHERE.

SHE'S LOST, IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.

I think sooner or later she can get depression.

I think sooner or later she will feel like giving up everything she have.

Lost.

I'm scared.

of school. of everything i have.

哭不出來。

不想說話但卻恨希望會有人了解，會有人問我。

I am so scared, so scared.......

FUCK EVERYTHING I HAVE.

I don't want anything now.

2009-05-22T00:10:00.005+08:00

I know my friends are all dissapointed in me.

Lecturers dissapointed in me.

Everyone is dissapointed in me now.

Right now, i feel so useless.

I don't know what else can i do now.

Each time i tell myself this will be the last time i am giving up, i felt that bit of... inside.

All of 'em ask me to think carefully, do just a simple one.

Think again, if i do a simple one it just means i am not even putting in any effort.

I will be just doing with the ANYHOW DO MOOD.

And with that, you ask me to present with that?!

Mr YT will sure cirtisize me like fuck.

He said before, if you anyhow do yr work or keynote might as well we don't do/ present.

See? Understand? That's is why, partially.

I myself, always feel if i am not happy with the work i am doing and if i anyhow do, what's the use of presenting? I am presenting something that will throw my own face.

I know, alot of people will sure be thinking,

WHAT IF I AM FOREVER NOT HAPPY WITH MY WORK? THEN, FOREVER WON'T PRESENT?

I know.

I .. am lost too.

I also don't know what to say about myself now.

I know i am useless, i know i am.

I AM, i just admit. I admit now.

Why can't i do something i like?

Can't i? Why am i doing something i don't like?

I am stucked, i know i am stucked and i have no choice.

Why do i feel like i am in the middle of nowhere and nobody wants to care about me anymore?

Why do i keep feeling like i'm alone now when i am actually not?

When do i feel like nobody wants to help me anymore when actually there's still someone?

I don't know, i really don't know.

How. How. How.

Feels like living in hell now.

I don't feel like talking at all.

2009-05-21T20:55:00.003+08:00

AE don't like me, it keeps giving me problems.

I am super fucking fedup.

This will be the last time i am givingup.

Please yiling... Wakeup.

Ain't you always saying be grateful with what you have?

Why ain't you cherishing the chance of able to study in a course compared to other people to other countries? Why? WAKEUP WAKEUP. Fuck.

I cut my hair.

2009-05-21T01:15:00.002+08:00

Ms sherlyn's message was dah boom to every one of us.

Ms sherlyn sent the message saying that friday is our presentation(9.30am) & we would have to copy our files into the lappy by thurs 9pm. No lateness is allowed.

Everyone thought it was 1.30 pm-presentation & in the past we always go to school in the morning to put secretly before 9.30 am when we couldn't finish in time.

You can see in msn, everyone's msn nick change once ms sherlyn sent the message.

I think, i can't finish already. Fuck everything.

My eyes are itchy and painful now. So dry and i am having migraine again at the wrong timing.

How nice >:

2009-05-20T15:03:00.014+08:00

omg, i feel like gng t oschool again.

sorry, so random.

No school today.

....i guess is bec lecturers want us to rush our proj at home.

Wokeup at 2pm plus with headache.

Still feeling very tired & sleepy even after more then 10hours of sleep.

Need too much of sleep, i think 20 hrs is not even enough to replenish what i've lost.

Wasted 2 days when i can actually do my work & sch journal.

No motivation, no nothing. How ):

不该在原地徘徊.

Sleep. Sleep. Sleep.

2009-05-19T22:49:00.011+08:00

No time, no money, no nothing.

Yet, i am dreaming of learning way too much of things i had in mind.

Thinking, too much.

I need motivation, i need time, i need money & i need hugs.

So long, or ...no one ever call me that, not even my parents.

I feel happy when somebody call me that.

Xian Shi De Yi Wang MV - Pan Jia Li

要忘了梦，並不簡單.

2009-05-19T20:52:00.006+08:00

BY2 :) Like the one with bangs, she dance hiphop so well.

Anyway.
Went aunt's house after school to celebrate cousin's birthday.

Chiong to northpoint to choose present.

I totally wack one lah, anyhow choose then chiong bck home to wrap.

We ate ice cream cake. & I ate like 5 or 6 pieces? && PIZZA!

So back to my previous post, i was having mr steph's lesson.

& then i was too tired that i couldn't concentrate. PLUS.

Mr steph's lesson is fugging boring! He's like so comprehensive.

THEN, I went to facebook.

I JUST CLICK AND TYPE THE WEBSITE ONLY, MR YANGTIEN CAME IN.

WTF, then i quickly close the window and of course he saw.

He walk pass me and use his paper to piak my head lor.

Wtf. Go and die lah. I was like, ASIF I AM THE ONLY ONE NT LISTENING.

I am pretty sure some of my classmates went facebook to play during lessons too.

I swear, I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE.

Fuck, he BIG so?

I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE PIAK MY HEAD. YOU KNOW.

is like, some poeple don't like people touching their hair or what those kind.

I hate people who beat my head one lor.

So people, don't ever try to smack my head with whatever things you want to use.

I don't care who is the one who smack my head okay seriously.

SICKENING PIECE OF SHIT.

Somemore, is FUCKING _______ who piak leh wth!

Don't like means don't like. FUCKING _______ GO AND DIE :)

I already got no motivation to do my integraded assignment and now?

Thinking of fucking ____ will appear during the presentation..

TOTALLY SPOIL MY MOOD. The more i don't feel like doing. FUCKER.

I am feeling so damm stress can?! I think sooner or later i will get depression. lol.

Enough of these, i need just a cup of freezing coldddddddddd water.

In the morning before this lesson was modern pop culture.

We are going to work with baybeats bands. Cool eh?

Actually that kind of music, i don't really listen.

But i guess during this proj, yeah.. Need to get use to it.

Then we're doing about fads and fashion today.

Kind of.. Interesting? :/ HAHAHA :/

Talking about the fashion's history right form the start when fashion trend started till now.

Okay, i am gonna rest first before starting on my work.

VERY PISSED WITH SCHOOL.

2009-05-19T13:32:00.004+08:00

i like these! so nice loh. I want to get those kind of shiny half jacket ):

And i frigging want a black or white plain jacket.

In class now, mr steph's lesson.

Yuck :/ I catch no ball so here blogging ):

He's teaching like asif we're robots.
Irritating.

2009-05-18T23:55:00.007+08:00

Monday's always a long day for me in school.

8.30am lesson to 5 pm plus.

Then 6 pm to 10 pm plus dance.

I just got back home nt long.

Now is 12 am sharp.

Back from dance, & my muscles are aching like shit lah.

Not bec of today's dance, is bec of that day's dance conditioning.

Omg, frigging effective .____.

Although it's pain, but when you sweat during the conditioning is damm shiok :/

I want to go to wednesday's conditioning! Or gym they going?

Everytime they go, i that day also not free one ):

& there's what, mr gupson invite us to perform at his studio next friday?

But i cannot lor ): Now must put studies first alrdy lol :/ Kidding. But yah lah.

I'm having cramps now :/ & I just ate a pack of free rice after dance.

Back home, i ate magi mee though i am actually still damm full.

&& plus i finish up my jelly beans! :D Super nice okay!

I and jasmine cn eat like almost all finish within half an hr.

One person each pack hor listen. lol.

Okay, gonna do work later.

Don't feel like, i feel like writting my school's journal.

I haven't write a single at all since 24 april.

If it's to record down everyday life then easy lah but is not!

We must record things which is..

interesting.

Everytime it's like this.

I don't like. I really dislike that feeling.

When?

2009-05-17T21:03:00.003+08:00

My arms, tighs, buttocks and neck hurts. Muslce aches like fuck.

Michelle meet me after my church today.

& i do treasure our friendship :)

We went to my goddaughter's house, then i passed her the muffins.

I have to go church for every saturday night and sunday.

Going church for saturday too starting from this following week.

Sat's one is with the youngsters, sunday's one is everyone together.

Dance in school for 2 days, church for 2 days, other days schooling and lessons ):

Once school starts, i am like sold to school. Saddening.

Thinking of those never ending work, make me frigging no mood.

I just want to do the things i like for the rest of my life starting from now.

Why can't i?

2009-05-17T00:55:00.003+08:00

I like By2 :)

I like the one with bangs.

Lady GaGa - Love Game -

2009-05-16T22:35:00.006+08:00

I know i look so cui after a day of dance conditioning and w/o any makeup.

& Can you see my pimples?

Thanks michelle for this ! My belated present. Made muffins for her (:

Everytime we wna meetup, it's ALWAYS me who can't make it. I apologise ): Really.

It's a hello kitty bottle, the necklace & the wear at wrist one.

Its the one i like at cwp! & she found it lah.

I still rmb when michelle came to nyp to watch me when i had performance (:

Can't find this type of friend :/ lol. Heh.

& Another keychain was given by tiffany, thanks too :)

Dance's conditioning today was omfg.

Then aft tht had techique class by weilin.

I didn't have the mood to dance after lunch.

Cause, My aunt are all at malayisa & mum's sick.

They ask me to come back early to acc my mum.

& that, my grandma's alone taking care of my niece, asking me to go back early to help.

&&& THEN, my sec sch friends( michelleong, yuwei, & tiffany)..

they came nyp to find me,

& I am super sorry to let 'em wait for me for like 3 hrs.

I felt so dissapointed w myself cause everything i couldn't make it like that.

I am like a robot today man.

Looking at so many children makes my day though.

But i made muffins at cousin's house at night just now :D

Blueberry & chocolate muffins. As well as chocolate cookies though it's like soft :/

Muffins Muffins!

Meeting michelle tomorrow after church. She's coming to see feline :D

I want to make pretty food.

& My life's in a mess now, i guess.

2009-05-15T20:02:00.011+08:00

I. Rock. You. Rock.

Pop art eh? .____.

I gave them my balls. lol.

randy's one in yellow. & guixin's in red :)

They're like playing with balls in class studio! Funny anot :)

Today's presentation is cancelled.

Tmd :/ Make me so stress ytd & didn't really sleep too doing.

Wtf. Lol. But okay, it's a bad & good news to me.

I realise being a secretary, hp can burst. LOL kidding.

Anyway went sao today with hazel.

Then wah konrad & the officer funny loh -.- Lame.

Saw my aunt, agnes too.

Nothing is impossible, it's just a matter of whether you want it or not.

I am not someone who forgets unhappy things easily.

2009-05-15T10:50:00.003+08:00

Hello. Goodbye.

2009-05-15T00:00:00.005+08:00

Cca comm meeting just now at mac.

Before that was having mr steve's AE lesson.

Mood totally ruined.

I felt like crying loh seriously :/

I was listening to what mr steve was talking but i couldn't catch what he's showing.

I copied down what he said but i guess i was just copying for the sake of it.

Ended up, i don't know how to do a single thing.

Even my friends who don't listen in class can do some of the steps their own.

Which is like, maybe common sense one? But not me.

I don't know, i am totally like a idiot blockhead.

When my another classmate told my another classmate that didn't you pay attention?

I was thinking in my heart that, i did hear what he's saying but i catch no ball.

Does it mean that i don't pay attention too?

Frigging down loh that time.

Make me like having a black face when i was having cca meeting. -.-

Cause my mood was spoilt.

Then i went to the toilet, think and think.

I don't feel like doing my animatics alrdy.

Why can't i have a positive mindset?

But. I don't wna dissapoint ms sherlyn.

I know in class, nobody wil be there keep helping you.

Like me, i know i am annoying sometimes cause i keep asking friend's question.

Like almost every single step. Fuke. I know they do get annoyed by me too and don't wna tell me. I pissed some of my friends of before cause i was just too slow.

Many times i felt like giving up.. but.

Contradictions.

(sigh)

2009-05-14T11:15:00.002+08:00

Fuck, i wokeup late.

& i missed the first lesson, mr jovi's lesson! Wtf.

Why am i always over sleeping! -.- DammIt.

Shit lah, later after school still have cca meeting :/

My animatics, i guess i don't have to sleep tonight alrdy? ):

I super fugging want sleep can.

I want to have hours and hours continuous of sleep.

Like maybe 15 or 16 hours or more then that of sleep.

Say me crazy but i really need that amount of sleep.

My skin is like, if i don't sleep for one day pimples will pop out ALOT.

And then swollen.

People don't know will think i never wash face?

I wash face everyday one man people.

I don't want pimples too. But my skin is like that, so sensitive.

If i sleep alot for one day, next day my skin will be better.

Sounds stupid but true.

Don't believe? Nevermind. It's my skin. It's like that.

I think my pimples forvever will be like that in this course.

2009-05-14T00:49:00.010+08:00

Memories can never be forgotten.

Be it good/ bad, happy/ unhappy.

I can forgive but can never ever forget.

Sometimes, it might be a little too hard for me to forgive.

People say i am soft hearted, but that's not always.

Not everytime.

People say they seldom see me really angry before.

But wait, do you people really want to see?

I don't think so, i think you people will regret after seeing it.

I can say, i've never, haven't really throw big temper in front of anyone before in poly.

You might think you've seen it before, how angry i am.

But no, i know it myself.

I haven't really show HOW REAL ANGRY I CAN BE.

You people will never wanna see it.

I can tolerate.

I am trying to.

I'm those who tolerate and suddenly one fine day, i can just bomb in front of you & you die.

And you will fuck off in front of me.

2009-05-13T23:48:00.011+08:00

Ms sherlyn gave us watch the show about global warming and the graphics the person used in the show. It's like 2 hrs? & Woah you know i didn't sleep! Almost like all the people fall asleep loh. I find the show really interesting. Idk why man.

It's the first time i didn't fall asleep & eyes were so damm big.

Anyway i deleted the post i wrote when i was in class studio :/

Lol, update, just now when i went to cca workshop with venalie & peiru.

Hahaha, didn't know my aunt, agnes was there for the talk too.

She talked about the financial things for SAO office.

I think in the future i would see my aunt agnes often :)

Fun. Bonding with different people in diff cca.

And what, babes and hunks? Yo! We're team nyp! So funny lah.

I will regret if i don't go. At least, i laughed alot when i was there (:

Ohyah saw sharifah (: guess she's the vice of fb.

I want t go to the youth olympics! HAHAHA.

Aiyah, people who read my post which was deleted just now. Forget everything :/

It's all about my parents & aunt saying that i spend too much time for school things.

Like cca, & stuffs. Spending very little time on 'em.

& That the most impt is, i am mentally tired bec of schwork.

Tired till that extend that i don't even feel like going shopping or whatever.

It's seriously draining me out cause i can even sleep while playing with my niece.

Okay, nvm. Ohyeah tired now too.

But, can't sleep. Still have animatics.

My aunt asked me to go out and work, don't study. -.-

Trying to be funny.

OHOH! I am happy cause my information posters from Grade F to Grade B! (:

Ms sherlyn wrote there, great improvement!

I don't care if people said mine looks like other's work or whatever.

Cause, i didn't copy.

Okay, zzzzzz. Tired.

Nnnnnnnnnna;

2009-05-12T16:57:00.002+08:00

I just went to my old blog and realised some stupid people tagged there.

Somemore, that person tag like this.

Michellesucks: Hi talk to my butt, talk to my ass HAHAHAHA.

Hello people, stop being so childish leh.

Michellesucks? Michelle who?

I got alot of friends named michelle leh.

Dumbo, stupid people with no brains.

Want tag also tag clearer lah. Idiot.

2009-05-12T14:10:00.006+08:00

* Edited, 5pm.

I like her singing!

Jingyee told me she read philosophy books so the songs she write people seldom understands.

Ohyeah didn't blog yesterday.

Dance at aerobics room ytd, & i left my lappy inside! Holyshit.

Then i went to my saviour's house to do work.

Thankyou man, my saviour.

Lol. I know, the best person in this world lololol -.-

Got back my lappy today! (:

Went to gym today to go take, the person in gym say dance till forget uh.

HAHAHA.

I don't like people who link my studies to dance.

I SAY I DON'T LIKE.

So stop it man people.

I seriously hate people who ridiculous-ly link it to my cca.

I don't care whether you're my mum, aunt, best friend or whoever.

Don't like the way you people say things means DON'T LIKE.

& That's it. Simple & clear enough to understand (:

End this post with this pickkkture.

nnnnnna;

2009-05-11T09:51:00.008+08:00

OMG SHE'S HOT. Yeah?

The more you look at this actress the more you will find her hot man.

Didn't know till jasmine told me this actress.

Was finding a pic of model for the poster thingy.

Changed blogskin.

Am at home now. Slept at 5 plus in the morning ):

After i finish my typo work, couldn't go to sleep.

Still feeling unwell. Wokeup late! That's it :/

Send kenneth my work to help me hand in.

Don't need present today cause i am not there ;/

I have MC though.

Going school later still for 2d lesson.

I wanted to go back to sleep for awhile still cause am going for 2nd lesson.

But, couldn't go back to sleep ):

So spend this time doing stupid things which is changing my blogskin.

Dance later on, i wonder if i have the energy to dance.

These few days only ate like 1 meal in a day.

1 day ago, it was worst and i ate like one rotiprata for the whole day.

Feel sick & don't feel like eating anything.

Not until yesterday, i started to eat something.

I wished doctor's medicine is like magic.

I want to make pretty pretty blueberry muffins.

p/s; No matter what happen, everyone has to move on with life.

2009-05-10T17:52:00.003+08:00

Went to see doctor today.

Didn't went church today cause i was still feeling sick.

Anyway these few days, i feel like i am dying.

That day when my whole body felt numb, i was like really thinking,

Shit, i cannot move, why what happen, am i dying? My life just stop here like this?

I know i am crazy. I know i sound ridiculous. I KNOW.

BUT, That was really what came into my mind AT THAT TIME.

I really couldn't move at all at that time.

& i forced myself to sit up, suddenly i just sit up & that feeling is like..

You are drowned and someone just save you up.

I feel like crying .......

I remember when i stayed at CCK, there's a few times too...

But that was when my face facing at my pillow.

And i couldn't turn around and breathe. Just couldn't move.

But now a few days ago, that was worst.

I really got that feeling like i am on the verge of dying.

Stupid, i know....

2009-05-09T16:34:00.003+08:00

I am still so tired....... after fourteen frigging hours of sleep.

I slept for 14 hours and still feel tired. Whole body aching.

Sick yet still have to do work at home, alone.

My family went sembawang park to find my aunt.

Not only sick and couldn't go out, still have to face my laptop at home to do work.

What kind of shit is this, i don't even have the mood to do work now.

I don't have appetite, feel like sleeping still.....

Stomach ache, headache, neck pain, everywhere pain...

Everywhere you go, headache want to follow..

Who you are.. Where you come from..

Damm, i am bored...

Fuckfuckfuckfuckkkkkkkk.

2009-05-09T00:59:00.002+08:00

I cannot breathe just now.

i was alrdy halfway into sleep, suddenly like whole body cannot move, numb and i cannot breathe.

Like going to die that kind of feeling.

Suddenly force myself to sit up, like gng to faint X_X

2009-05-08T21:33:00.005+08:00

I don't feel well. My eyes are aching and frigging hot.

I can barely open my eyes now. Fucking tired.

I feel like fainting now. Headache is killing me now. ):

Slept for like 3 hours only this few days.

Went school early today again to render my video.

& After effects died on me.

My friends helped me but it don't work.

My presentation didn't go well at all.

Though i did push myself t do, really.

YT just say he will suspend the comments, something's missing.

Like. wtf, i really did and is not like i do in fucking few hrs only right. And what i got is that leh.

I still have that bit of motivation though after today's...

I am still motivated to do my other works.

I guess lecturers must be again dissapointed in me.

But, hey today's presentation ALOT people didn't come and present.

Alot of people are sick of it and gave up alrdy.

I can't giveup, can i?

2009-05-07T21:06:00.002+08:00

Was looking at jasmine's blog, kope 2 pics.

HAHAHHA! I think it's mr steve's class? randy & guixin did this.

LOL pathetic the small boy.

The green eye brown i make one side! LOL.

2009-05-07T16:21:00.003+08:00

# Reminiscent.

Going school today morning is like for nothing.

9.30 am, & ms sherlyn came in to mark attendance.

I thought it was e learning before mr jovi's lesson today but ended up it's mr jovi's lesson in the morning. Teaching After Effects Tracking etc.

Mr jovi's quite nice i think :) Reminds me of Mr James.

Then till like noon, his lesson ended.

Went put smth at cca borad and went northpoint to eat w/ guixin.

Aunt's house after that and homed.

Mum's at home today. She's on leave half day cause grandma went malayisa.

Nobody wake me up now in the morning loh :/ I asked like so many people to wake me up.

Mum's not working tml too, she take leave. I asked her to help me go Np buy thumbdrive ltr :/

My harddisk cannot fit to mac book. Not suitable. Sigh I bought it for nothing and it's so frigging expensive. FOR NOTHING. & i am using my frigging small gb thumbdrive that's not enough for me. I am lazy to go np to buy later, haven't finish my schwork.

Ask mum to buy :/

Facebook's quiz is so fun. I made my own quiz. People, go do! HAHAH. I did randy's one and i got 100% CAN! So easy. Mine randy & guixin got only like 60+% LOL.

I miss..

No one. I am kidding.

HAHAHA/ Bye.

2009-05-06T19:00:00.004+08:00

What schwork do we have now..

I can think of..

Got typography the making of 15 sec clip opening tittle..

Got the after effects popcorn thing for 2d..

Haven't redo finish the information posters..

Professional finishing the poster..

Integraded assignment..

I cannot even find the right video.. How am i going to continue to do.

Friday, i am sure gonna die.

Why do i still think of it, randomly?

Who's gonna make me forget it like, TOTALLY?

2009-05-06T17:57:00.003+08:00

SCHOOL IS FRIGGING TIRING.

SCHOOLWORK IS FLOODING ME LIKE FUCK.

Now we have screening every 2 times in school.

Walk through the thing, auto can see if we got fever.

Scan alrdy take sticker & scan our admin card. Wah awesome eh.

If only i could be as happy as my goddughter.

Seriously so tired. First time i felt so tired and stress.

And that stresss, is like.. Not that stress i felt the last sememster. It just feels abit different.

I cannot fail any modules this sememster already else i would retain.

I already failed 2 last sememster. First time hear me so afraid of failing eh?./

I really want to do well in my modules now but i cannot help stressing myself and thinking alot when all those modules had something to do with After Effects. My big enemy. The moment i hear of AE and video whatever shit, i am really fucking scared ):

Typo ended up need to do in AE. At first when teacher's comment on my work wasn't that bad & it gave me motivation i don't deny. Ended up lecturers say those things must do in After effects etc. My heart IMMEDIATELY SANK. First thought is, WAH SIAN ):

& i really don't want to dissapoint ms sherlyn. How i hope she knows i am thinking this way.

She's now the one who see me cry before -.- IN POLY. & she knows i hate AE & 3D etc.

I don't want her to feel like i already don't like mgbd and i still don't wna push myself.

I don't want her to see me like so useless. I know she confirm think i am someone who gives up easily and etc. I don't want people to think that way.

Suddenly after that day when i went to find her, i found that she's quite nice actually.

Not what i always thought before..

& i don't wna dissapoint my mum again.

But i am really very tired! I am not doing the things i like now yet i am pushing myself to like.

I am forcing myself. I'm not like other classmates, at least they looks so interested in watching those clips people do. I look already is like, Oh... ONLY ):

I feel like sleeping. For hours. More then 10 hours straight.

I AM VERY TIRED AH......... have been sleeping like 3 hrs that day only ):

): So many schwork.. Like never ending.

Flooding us. Like nobody's business.

2009-05-05T13:04:00.006+08:00

#Nothing is real for me.

My card design.

I am in class now, feeling so tired. (sigh)

& it's Professional finishing lesson now. I finally do finish my card design too.

Next week onwards it will be after effects again ): WTF, 2d also AE, this also soon AE.

I reached home like 12 plus yesterday, bathed and re-do my ecard design till like 2 plus? then fall asleep. I knew i would fall asleep ): & i wokeup at 5 plus continue to do my work.

Shait man, how many hrs i slept? SHAG CAN.

I wokeup with massive headache and my neck and everywhere aches.

Then i called my dad to fetch me to school.

During Modern and pop culture lesson when we were watching the 30 mins clip, i fall asleep.

I can barely open my eyes. I am really very tired.

But i am really trying very hard now to do my schwork.

I dislike your attitude.

It sucks like fuck.

2009-05-04T23:47:00.003+08:00

Okay, i just reached home.

After school having cca welcome party for new batch of juniors till quite late.

I haven't do mjy card design! shait :/ tml need hand in.

Okay, today's typo lesson got pin up our works.

& then my comments given by teacher wasn't bad :)

Okay still can improve but at least there's some nice comments which can motivate me.

But now, i am afraid i will dissapoint ms sherlyn and other teachers.

I alrdy tell myself i must do well since i got no choice alrdy.

BUT THEN, REALLY sometimes i am lost in the world of MGBD. Sigh.

I seriously paid attention today during 2d lesson.

I still went in front to sit so that i can see what mr jovi teached.

My usual place was behind, the door there & apparently i cannot see anything :/

OKAYOKAY, I AM VERY TIRED NOW. EXHAUSTED.

I seriously pray i won't fall asleep later on. Gonna go bath first.

Felt like eating banana just when i stepped into my house.

And i just ate one.

Bye.

Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO KONRAD!

2009-05-03T23:54:00.007+08:00

Seriously fuck man.

I finally finished my typography.

& i dont rmb anyone telling me there's the name & tv logo.

Somemore when i asked about typo work! FUCK FUCK FUCK MAN.

WHEN I WAS ABSENT THAT DAY.

Fuck can. If it's not yixin who remind me, i cofirm die tml in typo lesson.

WTF, super angry.

I must thanks yixin too for helping me to print.

She waited for so long for me to send her, and i keep awhile file size wrong awhile something missing awhile this and that.

Super guilty :/ must thanks her.

2009-05-03T22:08:00.002+08:00

My goddaughter is at my house now :)

Feline is so cute right, i know :) HAHAHA.

In the morning, i was still sleeping when she came my house into my room shouting,

Godma godma godma. LOL.

My mum, cousin, brother they all went eat.

Feline keep asking me to wake, but i was so sleepy that i could barely open my eyes -.-

OH my cousin bought the thing to lech her. Lech? I don't know how spell :/

Like a dog bag, feline will carry and there's something to it for my cousin to hold.

Making her like dog like that -.- LOL.

Okay So they went eat and i continue sleeping alone at home.

After i wakeup, is 12 pm already. Bathed and went church.

Woah i didn't sleep in church today you know! :/ Didn't fall asleep.

Mum was shock too, cause she said everytime i will knock out during the bible study.

After church the pastor so cute loh, he talked to me. Oh he rmb-ed my name! :D

Then i saw a sick women? Cause today we got SHENG CAN, then the woman went in front and i think she was sick she wanted the pastor to help her pray. But pastor missed her i guess, he didn't saw her? Then when the church was about to end, all the way she's standing. When everyone was sitting. She look very ke lian :/

Must help sick people in this world to pray.

2009-05-02T20:49:00.003+08:00

I am at home now :) Lying on my bed, feel like sleeping -.-

Had dance in school from morning till evening.

Morning was the 3rd audition till noon. Angela came back again for audition! So happy :)

Ate and everyone went blockE. I saw mr james at mac! HAHAHA :)

I didnt saw him, he said hello to me and i was like, eh. OH! LOL. Mr James wore in a casual way today that i don't even recongnise him :/ Super funny today.

Monday is konrad's birthday and they kind of celebrate earlier.

We were trying out playing the welcome party's games. There's one last game we played, we purposely ask him to stand at the end.

It's the game whereby we stand in a row, and the game master would read out a sentence to the first person, softly. And the first person would base on her memory, read out what she remember to the next person. And this goes on. So no matter how you play, the last person confirm won't read out the correct sentence cause it's passes here and there. And so the last person confirm need to have forfit. So our cca's president have that forfit! They tied something to cover his eyes, and we played a music asking him to dance. OMFG so funny lah :/

Then we slowly let him sit down and gave him one mouth of muffin.

What's Best is THEY SRINKLE SALT & PEPPER ONTO ONE OF THE MUFFINS. LOL!

And at first he thought they were giving him eat some kind of dust thingy or whatever that he wanted to spit it out. Like so super hilarious :/!

Then after that, everybody sang birthday song and asked him to finish the SALTY AND PEPPER-LY PART OF MUFFIN. I guess this must be a super big surprise for him.

Nobody would go sprinkle salt and pepper on muffins buh? LOL!

ANYWAY, i destroyed the sentence hahaha! As in, the people in front of me still rmb quite ok, but up till me, the sentence become you know what?!

I pass on to the next person,

'' tony and _____(forgot what name) went to the market to BUY their mother but they cannot find''.

Anyway the games is fun loh, got one game is like you must say 'i like people who..'

So there's once, someone said i like people who have clips on their hair. So you must run and find a sit. At that time i was like, TOUCHING MY HAIR FOR SO LONG WONDERING IF THERE'S ANY CLIP ON MY HAIR -.- STUPID. LOL. Ended up, i got no sit alrdy. HAHA.

So yeah after all these, we had rehearsal for the welcome party dance.

Most of them are going to S & G to dance. I need to go back to take care niece.

Then yeah, went back to look for my goddaughter.

Just nice she is alrdy coming down frm my house-.-, and i was about to go up.

I saw her and ran to her(in a funny way), purposely. And she ran to me and hug me.

She's so super sweet and cute :) 2 years old and she know alot of things already.

I am looking forward to monday's welcome party.

Feeling so tired now, wondering if i wil fall asleep later on, haven't even finish my whole lot of schwork. & somemore i wanna watch tv later on :/

-.-

2009-05-01T18:14:00.005+08:00

# At random times, it still appear in my brain.

Initially today there's outing planned by konrad & venalie but i am going to see popo(she eye operation finished). & going bugis to buy cca welcome party things so i not going.

But anyway the outing is cancelled cause i think most of the people couldn't make it.

So, today i wokeup at 11am plus & mummy acc-ed me to bugis village.

Ended up i stayed in the shop searching things for quite a long time till mummy was angry.

She went seperate ways with me, shopping her own things.

Went to see popo after that for just awhile and went back home to do my typo schwork.

I still have alot schwork to be done, shit can.

Just now, i spend 1 hour doing the 'W' for typo.

WTF, 1 hour can. But still, the W didn't end up very nice. Still like shit.

Really make me wna scold WHAT THE FUCK.

I think mr eric & mr raymond sure would give me a big scolding if they saw my 'W'.

& maybe so many other letters i did too. Or maybe all @.@!

I still got so many letters to do! Frigging shit lah hokay.

I am planning to redo my information design posters, but i don't think i have the time now?

But cannot sia, no matter what i also must redo. 2 leh, how am i gonna do? ):

How about my card design? I must do tomorrow.

& the after effects ball thingy, that day i don't even know there's this work needed to be handed in. WTF right i know. I'm so dumb. Whatever words use to describe stupid people, you can use.

& YES, INTEGRADED ASSIGNMENT, i don't understand a single shit :/ !!!!!!!!

Okay, maybe a little. But still very confused what i should do for next week's presentation :( !!!

Yesterday night, was so tired that i think i fall asleep at like 11pm?!

I hope today i won't :/ Else my schwork will FOREVER NEVER BE DONE.

Anywayyys, everybody is like saying about the new flu? Which is more serious then SARS.

To me, i think it's fate.

If you are fated to get it, you will, no matter how you avoid.

Is like, if you're fated to die, maybe you won't get it today but maybe tml something will happen and you will die. Everything is fated.

Not that i siao or what saying about death, but to me i think, my life is like god's.

He will decide everyone's life. That's what.. I think.

HAHAHAH, Sounds abit crazy, aiyah. :/

Okay, goodbye!

2009-04-30T20:48:00.004+08:00

DAPHNE PIGGYBACK-ED ME! AHAHAHA.

She misses our class, she misses her previous class(our class), she misses me, i am sure. :/

HAHAHAHA! Better study hard in VC :) it's a chance given to you now, i don't even have.

E-learning in the morning at 9am, ms sherlyn's class at 2pm.

Last week, there isn't any lecturers during e learning so today some people didn't come in the morning. I went in the morning, but guixin they all were still sleeping at home .____.

So, i was alone in school. Not really alone, but i join josephine etc.

After that daphne came find me too.

Now i know, e learning won't have any teachers and no attendance.

APPARENTLY, today ms sherlyn's class also didn't take attendance -.-

Cause she was just explaining to us our integraded assignment.

But, still okay, i did do my school work in school early in the morning when i reached.

After school, daphne came find us. Then went back, aunt's house singinggggg.

Pictures :)

& Daphne Yvonne Randy.

Playing with daphne's hair :/

Scribbling at randy's notebook :/ I am super bored y'know ):

& LASTLY, MY GOD DAUGHTER :)

Oh, this is a picture of me at home after club crawl, looks scary? :/

GOODBYE! I am gonna go do work. I hope i will later on :/ & not fall asleep LOL.

2009-04-29T23:50:00.003+08:00

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/mind

Saw this at minghong's blog, went try.

OMG BOH WEI GONG. Frigging zun lah! Don't know how the web does that.

OMG OMG EVERYONE SHOULD GO TRY.

I don't believe and went to try like 3 or 4 times -.-

2009-04-29T21:34:00.004+08:00

Unglam pics of me :/ & yes long time since i posted my goddaughter's photos.

School wasn't good today. I don't know either.

Just feel demoralised of my information design posters. It's like so fugly.

Kana lecturer say, it's like some broucher taken outside orchard mrt, don't look like any designer's stuffs. I am gonna redo 'em, hope i will. & sch ended like 1 plus?

Went eat w/ friends & back aunt's house. Learned to sing new songs. Nice :)

Went shop at np & vibrant hub w/ aunt. It's always nice with 'em.

I feel still so no mood in class, anyone can make me feel better?

& Puh lease, Don't ever piss me off when i am having a frigging bad mood.
Just little things, or what people do or say can make me pissed if my mood is fucking bad.

I can throw temper, yes. I like. I want to. I purposely throw temper just to make myself feel better.

Thankyou big big.

2009-04-28T18:55:00.005+08:00

I THINK I AM NOT GONNA TRANSFER COURSE ALREADY.

Firstly, the VC lecturer replied me in mail saying that the course is really really full.

So, i didn't even get to see the lecturer actually.

Secondly, my mum keep telling me nicely not to change.

I don't wish to make her sad anymore? & since she talked to me nicely that she don't want me to change. She ask me just tolerate 2 years properly.

Thirdly, i somehow sometimes still feel like i don't wna leave MGBD cause of classmates.

Fourth, I got no other choices besides VC. As in, none of other design courses is what i like and almost all cut off point is not my results can go in one. Is like, Even if i get out of MGBD, i still will be in other courses which i won't really like. Isn't it the same afterall.

I got no choice at all.. Who ask me to score so badly for my Olevels in the past. Sigh.

Lastly? I don't know. Maybe God says i am fated to be in MGBD.

Let that be then, since i prayed so hard and this is still what i get.

Maybe it's really.. Fated.

I'm happy that my sec sch art teacher actually still care for me.

When i return to sec sch to ask for my art works, she was extremely angry.

My works are stapled in the canvas there and pin up in the glass thingy outside art room.

She said it's so last minute. She scolded me.

What's worst is she said, ''You're still as selfish as ever, you never changed at all.''

I was so bloody sad that time ): Is like, is this what i want? i don't want things to turn out this way too. I know how to think, i have brains.

But then, when i return back to nyp, she suddenly texted me saying,

''All the best, just don't give me last minute next time.''

Mdm fazelah still cares for people actually :/ I thought she was alrdy fuming hot at me ):

I was shocked at that time that she texted me that.

After that, i texted her just now telling her i cannot change course.

Then she replied,

''Yes it's okay to have yr works, its yours. Just do well in whatever you're doing now, you're talented but at times must listen la.. ''

So i skipped typo ytd, skipped today's modern pop culture just because of going back school.

SIGH. WTF.

Goodluck to me for the rest of my MGBD life :) :/

COME ON PEOPLE PUH LEASE MAKE ME LIKE MGBD EVEN MORE.

COME ON BRAIN WASH ME~

2009-04-27T23:50:00.003+08:00

I AM IN A TOTALLY BAD MOOD NOW ):

Skipped typo today cause i didn't do my work, i tried but i just couldn't get 'em right.

However, suay-ly i didn't come, lecturers didn't scold those who never do. GREAT.

Reached school, during mr jovi's class went find ms sherlyn.

I CRIED ALL TH WAY FRM TH START TILL THE END WHEN TALKING.

Was talking about transfering course thing. & yes, i know i have limited courses since i still want design course & my results for o's isn't that good. Okay, it isn't good. So ms sherlyn was explaining to me about the courses i can get in. She said i have VERY LOW chances if i wna transfer to Visual Comm cause their intake is alrdy over. They take 8 more people alrdy. & my results also didn't meet their requirments. But i really want to get into that course ):

Then ms sherlyn asked the interactive design lecturer to talk t me to see whether this course i like anot. BUT, I DON'T LIKE. So in the end, i have no choice. Ms sherlyn asked me to straight find the VC lecturer & see. Bring my portfolio too. Portfolio, i need to take my o level's art.

GUESS WHAT? I am alrdy vex enough. I called my sec sch art tcher, she didn't allow me to take my art work. I told her i am going to take tml. She say my works are still pinned outside, now i last minute tell her, she don't let me take off. I am sad enough, sad till cannot sad alrdy.

I am feeling super sad alrdy, why can't she just agree to let me take back my art works? ):

I cried so much today. From the start just a few minutes after i talk t ms sherlyn, my tears keep dropping like nobody's business & she gave me the whole box of tissue paper.

My tears like don't need money, keep dropping like crazy.

This is the first time i cried in poly, somemore in front of a lecturer.

My sec sch tcher asked me to just take pictures and if the lecturer don't believe ask her talk t her. Ms sherlyn asked me to take pic and print out in good quality. Okay, tell me. Do i have the time tml to do all these? I am alrdy going to skip my tml's lessons to go back to sec sch, how do i have th time t still take picture and go transfer to lappy and to harddisk & then WHAT, PRINT? Somemore need in good quality. Where to print in good quality tell me. And i still have to go back to find the VC lecturer.

FUCK ALL THESE. I feel like banging wall seriously.

Don't even have the mood to dance today during dance after the new batch's audition.

)':

2009-04-26T23:30:00.010+08:00

luo zhi xiang dance super cute, cheryl keep doing. influence me-.-

their dance rly super man!

2009-04-26T18:01:00.007+08:00

You think i wna things to be like that now?

I want to change course now. I thought my mum understands how i feel.

She don't. She only knows how to threaten me with other things like my cca.

IS SHE FUCKING GIVING ME A CHOICE NOW? She's not.

I finally told her today that i cannot take it anymore, i find no point in this course.

What she gave me was just scoldings & stuffs. She gave me a list of money used in food allowance and all that. Ask me to think. She's unhappy that i would be wasting a yr if i change course.

She even threatened me with things like, if you want to change course, and if you get in into another course, give up your cca.

She know i will never giveup on my cca. & she used that to threaten me now.

What choice is that? Either giving up my cca or change course. Wtf is she giving me?

Do i have a choice? How do you want me to make this choice?

Both choices, I WILL BE UNHAPPY. What fucking choice is she giving me.'(

She said i don't understand how money is so hard to earn.

Did i say i don't know?

Does she know that, I TOOK FUCKING LONG TIME TO TAKE THE COURAGE TO TELL HER THIS? She don't.

I know money is hard to earn. That's why all these while, i've been thinking so hard whether to change course. I know if i change, i would be wasting her money. I know she would be fucking dissapointed with me that's why i didn't dare to tell her i am unhappy in this course at all.

Can't she try to understand what i am thinking now?

Tell me, WHAT CHOICE DO I HAVE NOW?

I have no choice.

)':

2009-04-25T23:00:00.002+08:00

Nobody- Wonder girls.

2009-04-25T21:18:00.003+08:00

# Your existence still always reminds me of it.

Today's the first day for new batch of people coming in our cca for audition.

So yeah, lazy to elaborate. Still looking forward to their 2nd and 3rd auditions next week.

After that, ate at mac. Then some people in our cca went to tampiness to dance.

As in, there's some work for 'em to earn money. & is EARNING ALOT. Like 100 bucks a day.

They just need to wear one piece swimming costume & stuffs to dance at tampiness shopping centre beside subway, there's something like water there.. They have 9 slots to dance.

They cab there while others including trained there. We watched like 2 times only then went shopping. Shopped till tired. & today my back and leg are aching alot.

Mr bean's ice cream is nice :D Actually hor, when cheryl is eating her soya bean ice cream i already felt like buying. I ren till after watching finish the dance, i buay tahan went buy the ice cream. Don't know if she realised. Lol :/

After their 9 slots of dance, is like going 7 pm alrdy, they going to SnG to dance. I am not even going ): Thinking of my sch work everything feel so sian alrdy.

Anyway, i am crazy about perfumes & nail polish now! Out of a sudden :)

Anna sui's perfume is frigging nice loh, the bottle. Gucci one too.

& I super love metallic colours for nail polish.

P/s; Alot of homework not started, i am like in this course for the sake of it.

End this post with this collage.

Goodbye.

2009-04-24T20:48:00.015+08:00

As i promised, pictures from club crawl!

Didn't upload all pictures though. Haven't get some grp BE photos and some w/ others too in other cameras. Pretty lazy to edit pictures. & just dump a few into one collage. Lol.

Aiyah, as long as my readers can see who isit can luh/ can see which is me can already :/ :p

Some of BE buddies.

The chacha, Boyish girls. Alicia is not inside the picture.

Ain't they pretty? With the latin costumes..

With Daphne Love! when you see her, you will feel like hugging her. HAHAHA.

With sharifah, xuanyi & Andee. The 4th picture, xuanyi wanted a GUI LIAN POSE.

OMG, i so fugly. HAHAHA. I still prefer calling xuanyi her old name :/ So used to it when calling her old name in seconday school :/

My classmates yvonne, yixin, zac, adam, ashton, kenneth, joscelyn, atiqah, fidee & regina!

Look at adam & ashton. They cannot stop GAO-GUAI-ing./

Look at ashton, he wants to do this pose. -_______-

Shall end this post w/ this photo! Nice. Not the background :/

P/s; More and more no mood in class. Days in classes is like more and more NO meaning for me. I still couldn't make myself love my own course.

Hate that feeling when i am inside the class but i don't understand a single thing.

So feel like leaving the class but i ended up acting like i understand, feeling good in class, laughing. Sometimes, i just don't feel like acting anymore.

I don't look forward to lessons, classes, projects, assignments.

2009-04-23T22:42:00.003+08:00

CLUB CRAWL 2009 WAS BEST LAH. IT WAS FUN & GREAT EXPERIENCE.

Lol my leg is like frigging aching now :/ Wearing dance heels for whole day. I feel like chopping off my legs now. Pain till i feel like vomiting LOL. Is not my legs that's aching, is the part where you step onto the heels, the middle part aching like freakkkkko.

I have quite a number of pictures to be uploaded.

Thanks my classmates and friends who are always cheering for me.

Now, i have no time! I'm confused about the integraded assignment to be handed in by tml!

WTF, i haven't even do. & I just got the email yesterday night.

Sigh, still feel like i am struggling in this course.

I really wna transfer to a course like VC which is only drawing and using photoshop.

The thing is i don't like to use softwares, i will never be able to love MY COURSE.

I don't know what i an doing here in this course when what i am planning is to study another course at cosmoprof next time and i don't even intend to work this line(my course) in the future. Worst still, i am not even interested in this course. Wtf am i doing?

I feel kind of stress, cause i wna change but my mum don't allow now & yeah ): Alot of reasons.

Anyway, will upload the pictures tml, promise! :D

2009-04-22T22:59:00.005+08:00

Today's first day of club crawl. Tml we would be performing at 1.25 :)

Shall load pictures of some things my cousin & grandma bought from australia before i blog :)

The NOUGAT, there's like a few flavours i didn't know. Maybe i sua ku lah :/

The dark green one is GREEN TEA, blue one is PEPPERMINT CRUNCHY, middle green one is PEPPERMINT SOFT, the orange one i forget alrdy but i guess alot people eat before this. The last one is GREEN TEA SOFT. Oh i think there's another one, COFFEE one :/

The sweets! The brand ; THE NATURAL. Singapore also got sell this brand but not these kind of sweets. Chewy :D

& YES, Below is THE LARGEST TWIX. HAHAHA. My favourite chocolate & somemore is huge :) Woo.

Sweets. & the nuts. Sweet ones and salty ones :)

HAHAHA, HELLO KITTY UNDERWEAR. LOL ><

My grandma still bought NICE HONEY, MAKEUP STUFFS, TEE SHIRTS, SLIPPERS, FOR ME. HAHAHA, omg.

Lucky to have this grandmother :)

The makeup is nice okay :D But i lazy to take photo of it.

Okay so today was first day of club crawl.

Kind of screwed :/ Tomorrow would be better!

Thomas said i danced w/ confidence today. HAHAHA, ohmy.

Don't know if he did see wrongly. Everytime i dance, no one ever said i danced with confidence.

I think he's the first one who said that. Lol.

Okay, club crawl is so exciting. ><>

Recieved the email from guixin about the first project again ):

OMG, it's dued on friday. God Damm :/

Sigh, i really really don't feel REALLY happy in this course.

Goodnight, go watch tv :)

2009-04-21T21:20:00.008+08:00

I was being super dumb today i swear.

My timetable showed 9am start modern and pop culture lesson.

Wokeup in the morning and called guixin. She didn't answer. I thought she would be late cause at that time i thought my lesson starts at 9am.

So 8 plus i was on my way to school, i reached the mrt interchange and called Randy.

He said, lesson at 1pm not 9am today cause the lesson in the morning is cancelled.

& he still said, we were still keep on talking about today's timing yesterday.

But! I didn't remember it at all, i didn't heard it at all. Omfg.

So, was rather pissed. Pissed at myself for being so stupid. I am pissed not bec of this only.

Grandma they all come back from australia today and they reached like 6 plus am.

My GOOD cousin called my house at fucking 6plus am in the morning asking me to go down and help 'em take things and stuffs.

So angry loh, cause i was so tired. For don't know what reason. They have maid to help 'em.

Why wake me up! ? Is not i don't wna help ah ma take y'know ): I am so frigging tired. & i threw temper in the morning. Mood frigging no good lah. I don't care, went back to sleep & then aunt called and say i don't have to go down. So i went back sleep..

Then maid knock so frigging loud on my room's window & house door.

AHHHHHHHHH ><>WTF I DON'T NEED TO SLEEP ALRDY LAH. ASS.

But grandma bought me quite a few things.

& also my cousin. yayness. I shall take picture maybe tml or what luh.

Okay so anyway this two things is 2 frigging good presents given to me in the morning.

You people know, even 5 minutes for me to sleep I ALSO WANT.

Went back to aunt's house see goddaughter, they went australia so long miss her.

The moment she sees me, she call me GODMA~, omgggg so swit, make my heart melt.

HAHAHAH. Went eat w/ aunt and all. Didn't have the appetite, eat what also feel like vomiting out what today. Then went sch meet daphne and went sports hall for club crawl thing.

Awhile later nia, went back class for lesson.

Mr steve's AFTER EFFECTS LESSON. GAWD, AFTER EFFECTS AGAIN.

I had straight 4 hrs of after effects lesson by mr jovi ytd. Today is PROFESSIONAL FINISHING lesson. But it's also about after effects, SHIT ALL OF THEM.

The masking of the girl's face and texture in photoshop indeed make me felt like puking even more. The texture used is just frigging disgusting. I can't believe we have to do one masking too. Homework. Oh well, ytd's typo and message homework i also haven't touch.

Everything also have to face laptop. CAN DO DIE, SERIOUSLY.

Anywayyyyyyyys, Daphne successfully transfer to VC alrdy. ):

Okay, should be happy for her. But at the same time also sad, cause she won't be in the same class in me alrdy. && I AM SO ENVY TOO. Cause.. VC was my FIRST CHOICE at that time. But i didn't get in ):

After lesson, went back to sports hall w/ daphne.

See & do nothing at booth :/ Cause so late nothing to do alrdy lol.

Went eat w/ angelyn at mac & watched PHOBIA in her lappy.

Gawd, nice show. But it's horror one. Scary. She noob lah, off sound still scared.

I watched till the end, STEADY STEADY until the last part when the most disgusting ghost appeared, i closed my eyes, WNA PUKE WHEN I SEE.

Okay, tml's club crawl, wish myself, my cca people & also my FB friends goodluck.

OUR CCA WOULD BE 1.40 PERFORMING.

God bless everyone. Goodnight.

I tell myself it's okay, i still have another time.

Oh, cheers :/ (:

2009-04-21T02:09:00.002+08:00

There will still be other chances, i don't need to be so upset right?

Okay, i am cheering myself up.

I feel like sleeping after letting it all out. Lol.

Goodnight all god bless you(:

2009-04-21T00:15:00.010+08:00

School was fine today.

Mr jovi's class was quite effective today for me i guess. 4hrs -.-

Facing laptop, facing AFTER EFFECTS for 4 hrs leh siao anot!

Oh jingyee say i am so enthu today LOL. When lecturer mark attendance. LOL

Cause, I said, HERE!! LOL -.- when nobody said that lah apparently. Lol.

I am punctual today for mr eric's and mr raymond's class somemore bring tbk can(:

When i reach, there's only 5 person in class. -.- Including me.

But i guess this won't be long. I think i would soon turn lazy.

Got homework today alrdy loh. Logo design.

My logo i choosed is approved alrdy (:

After school ends, went dance.

Oh, am not dancing salsa.

Should have raise up my hands and say i wna dance.

I don't know what the fuck is wrong w/ my mouth man.

I wna dance salsa, but when they ask, nothing can come out of my mouth.

I CAN JOLLY WELL GO FUCK MYSELF. Idiot man.

Cannot even raise up my hands. FUCK LAH. NABEH. :/

Let it all out on the way home. Finally.

Fuckfuckfuck(:

Tml gonna go sports hall help abit or see w/ the booth during break.

Okay, goodbye.

Am not in a right mood today.

Yes, i ren ren and ren.

I smile whenever i am actually unhappy.

2009-04-19T11:20:00.008+08:00

So cute.

EDITED.

Went church for last lesson for baptism things before church service starts.

Oh i love church songs man, they can make me happy but make me feel like crying too -.-

Church end late today. It's the first time i have the eucharist(圣餐).

I mean, we have it every once in a month. It actually means The Lord's Supper.

When i am not baptised yet at that time, i went in front but then i cannot eat the biscuit & drink the wine. Now i am baptised, so whenever they have that, i can consume.

Today's the first time i eat & drink. Oh well, i want to say..

WINE TASTE SUCKS -.- Actually i also don't know lah, i hate beer & wine. Okay, alchoholic drinks in a sense. Beer is worst, smells sucks and taste sucks too. Wine, The first taste it's abit like grape but then after that it taste so bitter & it makes me stomach & throat feels hot -.-

The biscuit is super cute lol :/ Is in circle and there's a cross on it.

Yeah, so after church went dapao food and dad fetched us back home.

Abit of quarrels here and that w/ dad. I seriously hate it lah. I don't know why i just can't communicate properly w/ my dad. No matter how, no matter what.

Ps; I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE LIKE TO DRINK. 暍酒. ZZZZZZ. THEY ARE FUCKING DISGUSTING LEH. I MEANT THE DRINKS, TASTE DISGUSTING. No offence. Lol.

Yes, in the morning anyway..

My cousin came my house & keep waking me up. Disturbing me.

I seriously hate people who have nothing to do & do this kind of thing.

If you hate people waking you up or even making a bit of noise when you're sleeping, why do you go around waking others up when they can still can sleep for awhile?

I love to sleep, everyone knows.

School starting tml. 8.30 am somemore.

The fucking teacher better not be late. Always ask people not to be late, they themselves late.

At least there's cca tml, marking steps on tues, club crawl on wed & thurs.

Although sometimes i am stress in dance, kana scoldings and all that, but without dance i am sure my life is much more boring. At least i have dance things for the next few days, making me happy to go school.

Keep watching BY2's songs mv, blahhhhh.

Yayness.

2009-04-18T23:56:00.002+08:00

# Don't, don't go away.

Just reached home not long.

Didn't had cheryl to wake me up today, lol because i couldn't sleep the whole night.

If i can sleep, i think i need like few people to keep calling me.

Ate my breakfast halfway, super feel like vomiting. Like something coming out of my throat. & i couldn't swallow my food anymore. Fucking uncomfortable.

Bathed and went school for dance. Dance till evening.

Then we did the booth design things. & finally, it's done.

Sad that i couldn't be able to go help set up booth before club crawl cause my lessons end at 5pm. & booth setup actually starts at 10am. But we had to mark our steps on the stage that day. Everybody's break time is different, so hard for everyone to mark steps together.

School lah, idiot schooling, lessons. All lessons timetable fault, LOL. I hate school lah.

No matter what i still hate school alot.

After that, we packed our things up to club room.

Eh steady sia, i zia lah i one person go up to our club room when the whole of block E off lights already. I went up after some people went up so i was alone to the room. Gawd, so zai :/

HAHAHA, went AMK mac to eat w/ peiru & venalie.

Homed.

I am so looking forward to club crawl :D

But of course not school, lessons. Yeah.

2009-04-18T01:51:00.005+08:00

EDITED, 3.15am NOW.

I still couldn't sleep. I have dance later! & I have to wakeup at 7 plus.

Yesterday slept at 1am plus, pimples not so swollen. I guess my pimples sure confirm chopchop pop more again tml. Oil pores just couldn't stop stalking me for one day. Crazy shit.

# It still hurts.

My studio project two's grp friends. Some of my best buddies.

The times we gone through together, how we hang on to the studio project till it ends.

The last day, the day we became year 2 after the audio visual concert our course put up at the amphi theatre..

None of them need to retake. Their gpa are all pretty good and stable.

I am so afraid, one day..

2009-04-17T14:30:00.005+08:00

This sememster we got only 4 modules if i am nt wrong?

Lol, yesterday lecturers just explain, today i forget already(:

Think there's,

2D motions graphics.

Professional finishing for motions graphics.

Modern and Pop culture.

Typography and message.

Everybody was like saying, woah this time no 3D, GOOD ENOUGH ALREADY.

BUT HEY, That's NOT TO ME. I need to retake 3D motions graphics Z______Z

& Also need to retake, SHORT NARRATIVE.

I hate this 2 modules to the core y'know ):

Short narrative is all big big projects adding together. So if fail one or did badly for one, can die already. Like me ):

Modern and Pop culture sounds interesting, we would be working with don't know who lah.

Like SOME BIG REN WU (: LOL.

Butbut, no i still don't really like the things done in this course.

Yesterday, ms sherlyn was still saying, she knows some people still unsure about transfering out of this course. She wants to talk to everyone of us but to let us know, if you transfer after the 3rd week of sch starts, you might not be able to join the new cohort, means we have to wait 1 more year. 1 whole year. So if transfer out after 3rd week, you're taking the risk of wasting 2 years instead of 1 year. Yeah?

Guixin was like beside me, hitting me -.-

Heyyyyyyy people, i know i am not strong enough in telling myself i can do it in this course.

But initially when i knew my results that i have to retake 2 idiot modules, i told myself i xia ding jue xin must work harder in 2009.

BUT NOW, people keep asking me about these transfering things, making me like..

Having this WANT CHANGE OR NOT idea in my mind again.

Irritating one lah! You people know, i XIA DING JUE XIN, but i am not very strong in it.

People keep telling me all those things, like shaking my XIA DING JUE XIN idea.

YOU KNOW YOU KNOW? YOU PEOPLE KNOW?

Now, AGAIN, i think i really cannot hold long in this course.

Is like, i got a strong feeling, i will surely die in this course and my future would be destroyed.

And i meant it. I really got that feeling.

Okay, i think i slept early yesterday loh.

And slept too much today, wokeup with giddyness.

Bible has power :/ LOL -.- I read till sleep you know!

Maybe god knows i cannot sleep then make me read till sleep. Lol.

Fry food myself just now :D

I am alone at home. Grandma still in australia ): Niece too.

Without them, really is siannnnesss ):

Initially today going facial, my face really is cui. Alot pimples.

My aunt told me, she find it very weird cause mostly even people never sleep enough, never eat vegetables and fruits and don't really drink water like me also won't have so many pimples. She was thinking maybe my HORMONES IMBALANCE? Isit call as HE ER MENG SHI TIAO?

But i think back, next week would have performances, makeup those if i go facial today and next week cui again, wasted lah. Don't go luh./

LET MY FACE ROT.

Later going aunt's house again.

Aiyah today sianness lah!

Everyday is boring. When school starts it will be,

FUCKING BORINGGGGGGGG LIKE HELLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!

I JUST REMEMBER THE SONG DONT GO AWAY BY , BY2 HAS TWO VERSIONS.

CHINESE & ENGLISH. BOTH I LIKE <3

2009-04-16T22:26:00.008+08:00

Noob sis. Lol. :D

NONO it was not my leg. lol.

Okay, it was. LOL.

Went to relative's house celebrate relative's birthday.

Aunt and other cousins and relatives wanted to bring me to du chuan.

This saturday is the time where everyone can make it.

They keep asking me whether i can, but i couldn't ):

Is like everyone can that day go together but then i am the spoiler?

They are going in the afternoon.

If it is, actually i still can.

But, i have to stay back for booth things still.

I hope we can really finish by saturday and everyone's mood on that day would be okay and not throwing temper. Manpower for last weeks wasn't even enough.

I am the spoiler, everyone wanted me to go, but i couldn't.

I couldn't. My aunt wanted me to acc her to go HK, i couldn't.

Go JB, i also couldn't cause all are on weekends.

...

2009-04-16T18:00:00.004+08:00

Omg i don't have anything to blog today lah.

Meet kenneth at yishun and went yck meet randy & guixin then go sch together.

After that saw adam they all and kenneth went off with 'em while i and randy still waiting for guixin. Sememster briefing, boring. That YT talking, i feel like getting out of my seat and room.

Timetable out, there's NO free day ): DAMM. After that, guixin and i went eat at koufu and i waited for daphne to pass her our SP2 cd clip. Went kranji w/ aunt shopping. Back home.

Videos & pictures of BY2! My favourite. Their dance are like omg lah. If you watch before their hiphop dance. They're like so talented. Somemore they're only 17 -.-

2009-04-16T00:53:00.011+08:00

Went to school in the morning, do booth thing before dance starts.

Saw some of my friends at block E, miss 'em esp that daphne lah!

DAPHNE, YOU SEE THIS.

Almost everytime i have dance at blockE i will see my friends, classmates and Ya daphne. Heh.

HAHAHA, anyway after dance trained home.

Tired, feeling abit unwell.

Goodbye.

There isn't enough manpower.

I don't have a good brain for ideas.

How much more or what do people expect.

A little pissing.

I am being kiap in btwn a sandwhich.

People gets unhappy and thought they're the only one.

& can't people just think carefully before they speak.

Think before you say something.

Maybe it's hurting someone or making people unhappy but you just didn't or won't realise it at all.

2009-04-14T22:14:00.003+08:00

WTFFF, recieved lecturer's message, there's sememster briefing on thursday morning.

Wtf, why on thursday? I am going out w/ my aunt to shopping leh on thursday.

And this week, i am left w/ super little days to enjoy alrdy.

Wth have this briefing?

I seriously hate school.

Damm lah, haven't even start school i already don't have the mood.

How am i going to add more oil on my year2?

I seriously just hate school alot, when there's projects and whatever shit.

I don't know how long more can i hang on.

Damm.

2009-04-14T16:13:00.002+08:00

# I know it myself that hating people is tiring.

God, i didn't know my grandma is going australia today D: Forget :/

Anyway, i wokeup today at 9am plus, STUPID FUCKING PEOPLE DRILLING DON'T KNOW WHAT SHIT. Super pissed lah. I went toilet and the sound is like fucking irritating & Big can.

It's not normal big and noisy. It's really noisy till my ears cannot take it. Really cannot take it.

It's like, machiam people right beside you drilling that kind of feeling. Wtf.

I went back to my room & continue sleeping.

Seriously cannot sleep lah, but i know i am still tired and i still wna sleep.

I close my door, still super fucking noisy lah. Can still hear the irritating drilling sound.

Went out, took my Mp3 and listen and use my pillows to cover hard. STILL CAN HEAR LAH.

Irritating piece of shit. I went out to the kitchen, felt like drinking water.

Know what, the sound is big till i cannot take it when i stand in the kitchen too. I just ran back to my room lah, DAMM. I don't know why the sound is just super big till i cannot take it.

I went back to my room and shouted and throw my pillows lah.

Suddenly very pissed off that i couldn't sleep properly, keep scolding and shouting.

(there's no one at home).

After that i blast my music, then slowly just fall asleep.

Wokeup at 2 plus pm, suddenly remember grandma came back to take things and she reminded me that she & my cousins they all are going australia today.

Early in the morning she went to cousin's house alrdy.

I called my cousin, she said she's alrdy going down to take cab then i quickly bath & chiong to their house. By then, only my aunt & maid are there only. My niece they all gone luh ):

DAMM, never see my niece lah. Should have wokeup earlier.

Fuckfuckfuck ):

Early in the morning, grandma will not be at home, parents both working, others, in school.

WAH SHIOK LAH I ALONE -.-

I'm at aunt's house now doing nothing and blogging loh.

2009-04-14T00:48:00.003+08:00

# But i think i'm falling into it soon.

Blogging at sucha late time. LOL. Anyway i just realised that if i use pc mozilla firefox to view my blog, my post's font will be bold and in PINK. lol. -.- All.

Went school today, meet cheryl and then went buy some snacks before going to block E.

Waited for xian siang to open the club room then we started doing.

Then timonthy came, alicia and angelyn.

I am super not efficent today loh -.- Not effective.

I keep eating till cheryl said why the chips like so little. Frigging funny she.

Saw daphne and some other fb friends.

After that, went for dance.

Awesome lol mr gupson's stunts. Zz, i think we wouldn't dare to do most of 'em w/o him.

Went block E put things after dance w/ other people then trained home.

Bought magi mee & oreo cookies :D

Zz, Sour.

Don't know how should i feel now.

I am like falling into another hole now.

2009-04-13T00:55:00.008+08:00

I'M LIKE STILL HAVING THIS FRIGGING DUMB HEADACHE,

FOR DAYS DESPITE ME EATING ALOT OF EXTRA FAST PANADOLS ALREADY.

FUCK IT.

Fcking headache, can you just don't find me anymore.

Kick you away to fucking ABCDEFG country. Don't come near me.

And fucking pimples, don't stalk my face lah idiot asshole.

FUCKING PIMPLES STOP STALKING MY FACE LAH!

STALK WHAT SHIT.

STALK STALK STALK, my face ):

STOP. STALKING. MY. FACE.

Looking forawrd to club crawl, but not SCHOOL.

2009-04-12T22:43:00.003+08:00

# Bright side of life.

I am baptised today.

It goes like this today.

Went for baptism lesson first, pastor explain to us & when we went down for church service he read out our names and we went out. He would ask some questions like whether you agree on blah blah blah. You must answer, 我願意 & 我信.

After that one by one go in front, then lower down your head he would say some things and pour water 3 times on our heads. I think so it's like that then passed us our bible & the cert of baptism. Lol my hair's like wet but you can't wipe it off until the service end and you walk out of the church.

Ohyeah. Pastor gave me a name of.. ANNA. It's in my baptism cert.

LOL, sounds so like ang moh people's name.

Thinking back, i remembered pastor always speak to me english cause i always don't understand his chinese. I was thinking.. Don't tell me bec of this he thought i am like those ang moh pai. Bec ANNE sounds so english loh.

Pastor gave everyone egg to eat. Lol.

During service, Pastor asked whose birthday is in april and i didn't stand up.

After that he told others his birthday is also on april.

So coincidence, mine too. HAHAHA. An hui gave us a big basket of fruits too.

Gawd, it's like really really big loh. Heard that it's because our family most people are baptised so she gave us so big basket of fruits. And an hui hugged me like crazy, she said she was so happy. When we were so young that time, she remembered she brought us to church.

Okay, but it's so long ago already. How would i remember. LOL.

Anyway, pastor said after being baptised, must leave all those.. y'know.. Bad things.

Even buying 4d is a bad thing. LOL. Cause it's like wanting to be rich.

And we cannot anyhow throw temper, must know how to love other people..

No hate, cannot beliveve in those what seven month thingy.. Blahblah..

After hearing all these.. I think i will TRY lah to obey. LOL.

I mean, things like throwing temper all those, very hard to control loh -.-

At first wasn't very into church things. Now still not really that into.

But since i am alrdy baptised.. Then i shall learn to follow some things.

Maybe.. Step by steps, SLOWY..

But but i love singing church songs! :D

Anywayyyyyyyy, after church went amk with aunt they all. Walked till at night.

Mum they all went back first. I and my aunt uncle continue shopping :D

Shiok shopping! :D

SHOPPING SHOPPING! Aunt said she wna bring me to go shop at JB on saturday but i told her i got dance cannot go lah. Everytime she wna bring me go shop, sure would be on weekends which i.. Obviously cannot make it one loh.

2009-04-12T11:01:00.002+08:00

# Reality hits.

Morning!

Didn't blog yesterday, was too tired. & i realised.. I fall asleep early yesterday! Like, 1 am plus.

To me, 1am plus is considered early already.

I reached home like going 12am.

Morning went school for dance.

Dad fetch me to school cause i was bringing my laptop & the plastic of cardboards so i got no hands to take. During the lunch break, we went mac and i couldn't eat meat for 3 days so..

I bought only ice milo & fries. I don't even feel like eating fries loh. I buy for the sake of buying only. Eat halfway don't wna eat already.

Although normally after cca i don't really eat, but sometimes i also eat fish burger mah.

But now i cannot even eat fish! Anything that has to do w/ blood.

Everybody was like thinking anyway normally i also never really eat one.

Wrong Wrong! (cross hands).

Normally if i am tired, after dance i won't eat one. So everytime they see me never eat, they would say i like aneroxic.

God Damm, you people haven't see when i keep eating. No chance to see. HAHAHA.

Anyway, i am not a vegeterian. I couldn't eat meat for 3 days is bec of good friday till sunday.

Okay so after eating, we went block E to dance. After lunch was salsa prac.

I think there're like unhappy things going on at that time when everybody were practicing.

Okay, nevermind shall not say about it already.

Like around 6 plus, we stayed in school to do our club crawl booth thingy till night time.

It's like so fun staying in school together, everybody do together.

Then after that, Me, Peiru, Venalie, Xian siang, Timonthy and konrad squeeeze into victoria's car to go amk to eat. I sat on peiru's leg. Lol. We're really squeezing.

& i think it's the first time i am super duper noisy in the car.

& Xian siang was tricked by me, FOR THE FIRST TIME.

After eating, trained home.

Everybody couldn't tahan xian siang. -.-

Even during eating time. He's.. way too noisy. lol.

I'm going church later, for baptism class and service. Then i am gonna be baptised.

& Mum said i can eat meat at night already!

2009-04-11T00:05:00.004+08:00

# 因為你我現在不知道什麼叫愛.

Hello people :D

Went church today, after that last minute work with esther.

& It's fucking scary lah i swear.

Okay, will say about my working thing later.

Church first, today is good friday. & I cannot eat meat for 3 days!

Hoh, goodluck to me okay? -.-

Cause i will be baptised on sunday. And it's good friday, cannot eat meat.

Jesus died for us and bleed alot. So i cannot eat anything that has blood.

Anyway, i work at BEER HUT today with esther.

OMG lah, we didn't know we will work at that place today.

I didn't work before too at other places. They keep changing places one.

I just replaced esther's friend today.

The pay is like 4 HOURS 50 BUCKS. SHIOK RIGHT?

But the thing is.. it makes you feel like you're some PI JIU MEI.

The only thing is you don't need to entertain lah.

You just have to stand at the counter, collect money from those who wanna buy beer, help me open and pour into the jugs. & actually we have to promote the beer. But, we don't know how. So yeah. & WTF ALL ARE INDIANS LAH. Except that the suppliers are chinese. WTFWTF.

But anyway, i got 50 bucks today alrdy. It's first time i am gonna work there & last time i guess. HAHAHA, okay goodbye. I got dance tml. I cannot imagine myself in boyish costume :/

I think i will be very handsome lah hor? :/

Nothing is confusing me.

I am confusing myself.

I am making things hard, for myself.

2009-04-10T00:17:00.011+08:00

# 恨多話說不出口.

Uncle treat us eat at Bei Shen Lou just now :D

The food was great.

My relative's grandma & my grandma holding hands, frigging cute lah.

Funny thing is, when there's this bicycle coming behind 'em, normally people would already let their hands off and allow the bicycle to travel in btwn but they were like still holding hands and walk right, left, don't know where to walk to -.-

I laugh till like shit :/

Went aunt's house sing just now.

Oh yes, i love singing.

Not prepared for anything yet.

最大的敵人是我自己.

2009-04-09T16:19:00.012+08:00

# 让自己快乐快乐这才叫做意义.

P/s; doreen's post on my birthday is so funny lah :D

I feel like blogging now but i don't know where should i start. Lol.

Anyway deleted some links. Dead links.

I haven't been blogging since sunday loh. Forgotten what exactly happened the past few days already. I only remember monday i went school for dance, tuesday went sentosa & IT BLOODY RAINED, yesterday went school early to do club crawl's booth things at block E & then dance.

Today initially going to sch too cause the room is opened for us in the evening but yeah ended up didn't go.

& i thought of posting pictures of my presents but i'm super lazy now. So, forget it. LOL.

Didn't do anything today except staying at home & went aunt's house as usual.

Mum's on leave today and she made salad for me. Grandma went to a place near thailand for like 4 days & she's back home now. It feels rather weird w/o her at home.

My brother said something funny to my grandma just now which made me laugh like hell & wna puke like shit.

Brother: Ahma, 你不在家四天我恨想你 leh.

Grandma: 是meh..

Brother: 對啦, 怪怪的. 沒有人睡在我的旁邊. 我恨想你啦.

Mum: EEYER, 真的嗎..

Anyway grandma told us good friday cnnt eat meat -.- Tsk.

Cause jesus died on that day lah. & i am gonna be baptised tml on good friday.

Look, this salad got strawberries. I like the colours.

Salad mum made for me today when she's on leave.

Later going eat at bei sheng lou with my relatives all :D

2009-04-09T13:58:00.008+08:00

# 別在觸碰我心里還未傷癒的角落.

I'M BACK TO BLOG :D

Will update everything all at once later!

Stay tune okay :/ LOL. & Again, yes i deleted all the posts in my blog.

Even private blog too.